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I wasn’t thinking, emotions exploded May 5, 2015

Posted by vsap in Blogroll, Poetry.
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I wasn’t thinking, emotions exploded
and like spillage of a pinata it got messy.
You decided to hold your teeth tight against your upper lip
not sure if you should smile nervously or cry,
but I knew in that moment I couldn’t take it back.
It’s one of those things that you think you forgive
and it is never forgiven, the scar is a constant reminder,
of a heart so unprepared it simply stays in shock for years.

You couldn’t think and sadness ensued,
surrounding you like a cloud around Rainier,
the cloud holding rain but never releasing it.
And it wasn’t as if I could make it right,
pretending to explain it away like a child
after a playground fight with his best friend,
these things hurt and they linger, after-shocks of a quake.
I turned into someone you once knew in a cold turn of phrase.

I was thinking as the time passed and emotions imploded
that I had to forgive myself and move along.
My lashing out recoiled injuring me more than you
but I lost feeling for it, forgot the pretense to seek solace,
and life went on without remorseful drinking or habitual drug use.
A moment of anger hadn’t changed me but, rather, transformed me
into a man I feared I would become, felonious heart and all.
I wasn’t thinking, emotions exploded, but “sorry” isn’t enough.

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