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Desert of Ghosts of Final Despairs November 23, 2014

Posted by vsap in Blogroll.
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I visited the desert of ghosts of final despairs
demons mixed with sand and sun beyond barren and desolate
It was in the returning, a journey I wasn’t prepared to make,
that the preparation for transformation commenced
As night began to overtake me I commanded it to stop
forbidding it to darken my gaunt mortality
Denying death – setting a hedge around myself
I had decided to stand in the light not knowing why
or how I would stand against the inevitable darkness
or how I would gird myself against subtle cuts to my soul
the white-hot blood of my spirit beginning to drip
on earth with no soil and no redemption on its face

Bargaining with the dark, negotiating with the terror,
did not enter my mind – I steeled myself against the consequences
final and irrevocable as I envisioned them to be
without defense of sleep, dreaming, or child-like nightmares
I called upon whatever was left within me
and I didn’t know if this Grace would be sufficient
but could I possibly tell it if it wasn’t?
but could I possibly offer it if it wasn’t?
Yet, I haven’t put the desert of the ghosts of final despairs behind me
It lingers in view over my shoulder to remind me of my weakness
that the shadows may make another attempt to overtake me
that the struggle is real, everyday, and it must be met
opening my heart to true joy even as happiness remains elusive

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