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Suffering is a dimly lit hallway May 14, 2007

Posted by vsap in Blogroll, Poetry, Uncategorized.
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Suffering is a dimly lit hallway
When you are unfamiliar and alone
The paint on the walls is yellowed and pealing
And the floor is worn and the finish is gone
It’s a low dull headache that doesn’t want to leave
Sleep may separate one moment of suffering from another
But there is no rest in that kind of sleep
Being haunted and attacked
It’s like fighting a war on two fronts alone
The allies have fled and your strength is bleeding out
It can make you believe that the pressure on your chest
Is the hand of God Himself trying to get your attention
And you search for the sins you committed
That would cause Him to punish you this way
No earthly reason exists, of course,
God doesn’t answer to us for we are dust
It’s as if all the praise and thanksgiving aren’t sufficient
They aren’t and they can never be because we are dust
He knows this and you’d think we could see the qualities of mercy
In the suffering, that the torrent would stop
And the wind subside and there would arise a peaceful quiet
Not this tense, taut silence that begs the other shoe to drop
You try to empty yourself but to no avail
Whether you walk or sit or stand it is present
Like a shadow only in front of you this time, not behind
And it grows longer as the sun rises higher in the sky
You continue to plead with God to have mercy
To replace this wrath with loving kindness
This purgatory with heaven
But you don’t know what you ask and desperation pursues you
Suffering is the gray on the artist’s palette
And it leaves no room for colors
No measure for delight, only shades of the surrounding dark
You can ask forgiveness but what if it goes unheard
Or so you may think and where is the consolation in that?

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