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As much as anyone needs to know March 23, 2007

Posted by vsap in Blogroll, Poetry.
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September 4, 2006

We do not need to be lonely,
We do need to be alone
From time to time the quiet of solitude
Brings clarity and a gathering up
Rather than a gathering together.

I have waited in loneliness,
Selfishly keeping to myself.
When I sought relationships
They were dashed like so many wooden ships
In the storms of ancient folklore.

I stay at the edge, patrolling the fringe,
Looking in from the other side of the fence.
But I don’t come across because of fear of what I might find,
I don’t come across because I already know what is over there,
And I choose not to join in.

Invitations to come across have lost their meaning for me.
I may step into that other world but I won‘t become part of it.
Even if someone thinks they’ve dug below the surface of me,
They haven’t since I hold more back than I will ever give.
I know the giving costs too much for what it pays.

And it’s honest to ask what has made me bitter, cynical and jealous.
How can I respond? To blame someone, something, or situation?
To say I’ve had it with pain and betrayal?
Must I recount each time I made a wrong choice
And my investment in heart and emotion returned empty?

No, I am avoiding past mistakes I committed time and again,
The sins of openness, of sincerity, of seeking acceptance.
Well, I have learned I don’t need to seek those things from anyone.
I have learned that when given, they use them for their own gain.
I have learned to stay clear of the trouble.

I am thought of as an acquaintance, never a friend.
People know me by my smile and that I treat them well in my presence.
But when someone asks you, “What do you know about him?”
You shrug and smile and say “I hear he’s a great guy.”
And that’s as far as it goes. It’s as much as anyone needs to know.

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